(Every day this November I’ll conduct an interview with an imaginary person.)
Well, okay, but I’m afraid it won’t be very interesting. My life isn’t all that exciting.
That’s fine. Just tell me a little bit about yourself.
My name is Christine. I’m fifty-one years old. I’m originally from Sarasota but my family moved to this area when I was ten. I teach fifth graders. I have a son Michael who is twenty-eight and a daughter Emily who’s twenty-two. Michael got married in the spring and he and his wife are expecting a baby boy.
Are you looking forward to being a grandmother? This will be your first?
Yeah. You bet.
How long have you been a teacher?
I’m in my thirtieth year.
Do you enjoy it?
I do, but sometimes the kids drive me nuts. I’m always ready for the announcements to come on at 2:25.
What originally made you want to teach?
I don’t know. Well, I always thought all my teachers were so smart and I always loved them so much. I wanted to be smart and loved. Does that sound corny?
No.
It does. You can say it.
Okay, maybe a little.
I thought so.
Okay, tell me about your children.
In my class, or my family?
Oh. I meant your son and daughter, but either. Whichever you want.
I’ll talk about my kids—even though they aren’t kids anymore.
That’s fine.
Well, Michael sells clothes at a men’s shop. His wife Lisa teaches history to high schoolers—so naturally, she’s very smart and I love her. She’s also pretty, and Michael is very handsome, too.
Emily is finishing her last semester in college, majoring in communications. She doesn’t have a job lined up, because of the recession, but she’s had a couple interviews that she’s waiting to hear back from. Emily is also very pretty. I think both of my kids—or all three, since I consider Lisa a daughter of mine—are very attractive.
Do you have a favorite child?
No! Of course not!
You can tell me.
I love them all.
But you must have a favorite—it’s okay.
I love them equally.
How about a least favorite?
No!
If you had to choose. Emily?
Well, I— [Pause.] Fine. But only because she used to complain about some of her teachers, in high school. Michael and Lisa are a little more positive about people.
See, that wasn’t so hard.
I’d better be going to bed.
Posted November 23, 2009, 11 pm
